Headless Frank...

advisor to the lovelorn, weary, confused, and the overly self-involved

headless frank

Dear Headless Frank:

I love going out to eat at fancy restaurants. I know my wines and sauces and enjoy sharing an evening of fine dining with good friends. But I’ve quit going. It seems I’ve become slightly clumsy and lately I’ve been dribbling my soup. I’d never before had this problem, but the last half-dozen times that I’ve eaten at a restaurant I’ve invariably spilled soup into my lap. It’s quite embarrassing, as people tend to stare. The more I think about it, the more nervous I get and consequently, the more likely I am to end up with soup on my pants. What can I do? I don’t want to live in constant fear of dining out.
—On the Edge of Phobia

Dear On the Edge—
Common problem, classic solution: Ask for help. Since you’re a sophisticate, you should have no difficulty with this. The next time you’re at a restaurant and dribble into your lap, remain calm, raise a finger, discreetly call your server over and say with aplomb: "Waiter, there’s soup in my fly."

I’m sure it’ll be taken care of.

Signing off: Medulla oblongata.