Headless Frank...

advisor to the lovelorn, weary, confused, and the overly self-involved

headless frank

Dear Headless Frank:

As a veteran grandparent, I’d like to offer a few more suggestions to new "grands":

  1. Never express amazement at how much baby stuff is needed for a one-hour church service, a brief walk around the block, a short car trip to the convenience store etc…
  2. Baby's stroller could possibly cost as much as your first used car. Again, don't comment.
  3. Learn to work the five-point restraint system on the car seat because one day you will have to do so with a squirming child in a snowsuit. You do not want to be the one who bursts into tears when the buckles won't buckle.
  4. Carry around as many pictures of the baby as you wish but share a maximum of three with any one person. For multiple grandchildren, one of each should cover it.
  5. The other grandparents have opinions about things, too. Share your opinions about their opinions only with your spouse. This keeps everybody happy.
  6. Grandmothers with pierced ears should not wear large hoop earrings around babies who are learning to grab things.
  7. Grandfathers with pierced ears who wear large hoop earrings, it's time to stop trying to get attention.
  8. Babies can say "I love you" without words.
  9. Being a grandparent is about the grandest thing a person can do. Enjoy every minute of it.
—Grandma P Nebraska

Dear Grandma P—
You really know your stuff…AND the language of babies.

I recently heard a 3-week-old baby prodigy recite the Gettysburg Address—without words. He’s really quite amazing.

Thanks for sharing the wisdom.

Signing off: Medulla oblongata.