Jane Ann's Astrological Forecast

Jane Ann

April 2014

ARIES — You can meet any challenge thrown at you this month—but keep all your power tools charged just to be sure. People will ask if you are really this amazing or just lucky and you can truthfully say yes.

TAURUS — Your normally bullish nature gives way to surprising sensitivity in April. You may find yourself tearing up for seemingly no reason—but then you’ll remember the reason is because the IRS disallowed the three Carribbean resort trips that you claimed as business travel and now you owe an extra $3,000. (I mean if you’re going to take a deduction of a tropical vacation don’t list your occupation as thermal underwear salesman, for crying out loud.)

GEMINI, CANCER & VIRGO — And the stars say YOU will have to call upon your deepest reserves of creativity to explain YOUR deduction of several thousand dollars of cocoa butter. Guys! The IRS has software that flags certain keywords. Cocoa butter and thermal underwear are like at the top of the list! I hope the rest of the signs haven’t similarly played fast and loose with the tax laws.

On the other hand, there’s…

LEO (my sign) — You are getting a big fat tax refund! Do you want to know why? Because Leo’s KNOW THEIR IRS KEYWORDS and under "business use of the home," Amphibian-based Skin Products Distribution is NOT FLAGGED. Congrads on the windfall.

LIBRA & SCORPIO — Time for a personality makeover. The stars don’t mean to be harsh, but get a backbone. If you don’t know how to get one, look online. Google "spine" or something. This isn’t hard. Whatever you do, stay away from Leos’ amphibian products. Anything even remotely invertbral is not for you.

THE BIG DIPPER — Eat as much mashed potatoes as possible. I don’t know why. But the stars must have their reasons and they’re known to be very iodine conscious. Do it and let us know what happens.

SAGITTARIUS, CAPRICORN & PISCES — This is a good month for investing. But there may be unseen risks … like for some reason you might not see all your money disappearing when you put it into manufacturing men’s very short basketball pants. But you’ll never see that money again.

AQUARIUS — Waiting for your age to dawn has caused you to become lethargic. Get out and do something. Get in shape. The worst thing would be if your Age starts to dawn and finds you boring.