Jane Ann's Astrological Forecast

Jane Ann

December 2012

Before I get to the star readings for this month, a caveat: The Shortest Day is coming up. The Shortest Day goes by like a blur and your fortunes hardly have time to unfold. What you do want to unfold is your pajamas, because the Shortest Day is followed (really quickly) by the Longest Night. Expect that night sky to get crazy.

SAGITTARIUS — This is your month, and many opportunities come your way. Be open to the weird ones. For instance, it is rare to be offered a platypus, right? But you are likely to get up to five offers of platypuses. Consider each one individually, but don’t underestimate their space requirements. Also check local ordinances and don’t think it’s okay to accept them and then give them away as Christmas presents if it doesn’t work out.

CAPRICORN — Omigosh, you have almost the exact same horoscope as Sagittarius except instead of platypuses it is about love interests. Okay? So open to weird, up to five offers, check ordinances…etc. ‘Sounds pretty fun—I’m thinking of changing my sign again.

AQUARIUS & PISCES — Major life changes ahead. Stay light on your toes but slow down and be deliberate. Caffeine is not a good friend this month. Keep on high alert 360 degrees every minute. You’re going to get dizzy so avoid areas with a lot of unupholstered furniture.

ARIES, TAURUS, GEMINI — Get your shopping done, for heaven sake! This is the month of Christmas, and procrastination at year’s end hits a brick wall. Make each gift meaningful and you’ll be rewarded by shining eyes and smiles…and that’s just from the pets! People tend to respond in deeper ways, but if not, try switching their gift with the Frisbee you gave Fido.

THE BIG DIPPER — Remember the true meaning of Christmas and you’ll receive abounding love. Also, it’ll help you get over your thank-you note obsession.

CANCER & LEO (my sign) — Another month of joy and gratification. But avoid erratic behavior. It scares people. Trust your intuition except for spelling — that would be ridiculus—lous!

VIRGO, LIBRA, SCORPIO—If things don’t start improving, consider getting professional help. I know this sounds vague. But what you’re dealing with is vague and, truth be told, horoscopes are vague. Just make sure the professional matches the thing that needs improvement. Like don’t go to a therapist if your car won’t start—obviously you won’t be able to make the appointment, for one thing.