Jane Ann's Astrological Forecast

Jane Ann

July 2013

ARIES & TAURUS—I know you just want to go to the shore and veg out, but don’t do it. The stars are a beach bummer for you. I don’t know why. Something about SPF 40 and breaking out in hives. But if you do decide to go to the beach you likely will find someone new in your life—who is called a dermatologist.

GEMINI—Expect a new career path to open before you as you discover a surprising new passion for the upholstery industry. I know. Totally counter-intuitive but trust me, when you sit back with a nice glass of white wine, turn on Ray Charles’ "Georgia on My Mind" and softly whisper the words "foam padding," you’ll know what I’m talking about.

CANCER & VIRGO—Fly with the eagles. I mean it. If you ever wanted to go parasailing, now is the time. And if you fly with the eagles, you should dine with them, too. Try swooping down on a lake and catch a trout in your feet. You won’t catch one, but your astrological forecast says "eagles and trout" so this is my best guess.

LEO—(this includes me) Gain a new understanding of success. Obviously this means you will fly over a lake and catch a trout in your feet!

LIBRA, SCORPIO & SAGITTARIUS—Be open to new relationships. Summer love is a real possibility. Heat and humidity could be a factor, but if, in spite of it, you stay up the entire night just talking…well, you’ve wasted a lot of time you could’ve been kissing.

CAPRICORN—Organic pizza will stimulate your untapped creativity and that means bizarre dreams are likely to guide your future. I probably shouldn’t be reading the stars on an empty stomach.

AQUARIUS & PISCES—Take a trip overseas. Do your research and plan carefully. If you are adventurous enough to consider "uncharted territory," you can really stretch your travel budget in some of the remoter places where the exchange rate is measured in trinkets.

BIG DIPPER—It’s time for you to attend to reducing stress. Relaxing in cool waters after work will help, so put in that backyard pool you’ve been thinking about. It won’t take long if you splurge on a bicycle pump to blow it up.