Jane Ann's Astrological Forecast

Jane Ann

March 2014

ARIES — Your goat tendencies really come to the fore this month. I think that means you will want to consume everything that comes your way. Don’t do it. Like you can gag on a plastic bag, okay? Resist the urge to eat non-comestibles. Your digestive tract will thank you. I know you wanted something more inspiring but according to the stars, care of the internal organs comes first. Inspiration will have its day if you’re patient…and don’t eat garbage.

TAURUS, GEMINI & CANCER — Don’t make changes for the wrong reasons. Like don’t get your adenoids removed just so you can be a better opera singer. The reason to get your adenoids removed is so you won’t have to wear those oddball adhesive nose strips to bed—and that will definitely improve your chances for romance. As for being a better opera singer, the thing to do is buy an enormous dress and menacing breastplate. Talk about romantic! Your leading lady is going to want a matching outfit. Big red lipstick also is a must.

LEO (my sign) — I love when the stars tell us to sit back and enjoy the accolades. But what’s going on? Our forecast says we can only enjoy the accolades if we actually earn them! I’m sorry, but what’s the point of accolades if you can’t enjoy them?

VIRGO & LIBRA — Love is coming back from vacation for you. Unload your baggage and keep your eyes peeled for Mr. or Ms. Right…or Left. I mean don’t be afraid to fall in love with whoever is left. Right? Anyway, let your heart lead the way—again with the internal organs! Looks like a theme for March.

SCORPIO — Don’t make up excuses. There are plenty of old ones you can use. You don’t have to be original all the time.Stroll through the greeting cards aisle.

SAGITTARIUS & CAPRICORN — Try walking in someone else’s shoes. They might take you out of your comfort zone.

THE BIG DIPPER — Go for the gusto. Do everything in a big way and fear nothing (except old angry dachshunds and their handlers—they can really put a damper on your gusto).

AQUARIUS — Your age is on the brink of dawning again. Wait for it.

PISCES — Unpredictability reigns! Stay light on your feet—you might get to fly. Keep clean clothes always available—you might spill your coffee. Keep your headphones plugged in—your internal organs might decide to play Bach.