Jane Ann's Astrological Forecast

Jane Ann

November 2014 will make you think…

SCORPIO — Use your imagination to help get through a stressful situation. For instance, if you’ve got a big job interview, wear a grass skirt. Of course, you won’t get the job, but there won’t be any stress about it either, since you and everybody else involved will be totally distracted by you rustling through the door. If the interviewer doesn’t mention the grass skirt, you don’t want to work there, anyway. If the interviewer says, "What were you thinking, coming in here in a grass skirt?" You should reply, "Do you want me to take it off?" What follows will tell you a great deal about the work environment in this office where you will never be employed. No job, but a very fun activity.

SAGITTARIUS — Don’t let guilt impair your judgment. You will face many decisions, but if you are emotionally plagued by thoughts that you really screwed up something, you won’t even be able to objectively deal with the very first decision of the day: whether or not to get out of your pajamas! So let the guilt go. Then if you choose go around town in your pajamas, you’ll know you came to that decision freely. And, for heaven’s sake, don’t feel guilty about making everybody around you uncomfortable—I mean it’s not like you’re going around in THEIR pajamas!

CAPRICORN, AQUARIUS & PISCES — Unlike Scorpio and Sagittarius, your concern is not about attire but about your diet. All the Halloween candy you HAD to eat is barreling its way to cellulite as you read this. It’s time to think fish, fiber and grapefruit. Then eat whatever you want. Hahahahahahahhhh! But really, watch it—cellulite can change your life.

THE BIG DIPPER — Re-evaluate your position so you can figure out how to get ahead. Like if your position is lotus you should change it. Sure, it’s great you’ve found your center, but you may have noticed your center DOES NOT MOVE. If you’re simply sitting in a Lotus you’re in a great position—just turn on the ignition and go. You can really get ahead in a Lotus. Unless an Amish milk wagon cuts you off.

ARIES & TAURUS — Romance is close at hand. When you meet someone who gives your heart a flutter, don’t be shy. Right off, invite him/her to Thanksgiving dinner with your family. There’s no greater test for romance.

GEMINI & CANCER — You know you’ve been putting it off too long: it’s time to turn over a new leaf. Do something new. Please, that doesn’t mean learn to knit, go bungee jumping or break the hula-hooping record. Those are way old. I mean completely new. You could try being an entrepreneur, but that’s been done a few hundred thousand times now, too. Hmmm, maybe the stars just want you to do something different with your hair.

LEO (my sign) — Could it be that you are on track to win the Nobel Prize?? Oops, sorry Leo’s, it’s the Noodel Prize. Whatever that is. Doesn’t matter; you know you’re golden.

VIRGO — Don’t be afraid to get your hands dirty. Omigosh! The stars are telling you to go into politics?! Maybe it’s farming. Yeah, let’s go with farming.

LIBRA — Get your attitude of gratitude on. It’s the season of thanks. Don’t let a day go by without saying so to somebody.