Jane Ann's Astrological Forecast

Jane Ann

October 2013

The October forecast is influenced by the sun going down earlier. I know, the horoscope is supposed to be based on the stars, but remember, the sun is the closest star. So I should be able to read it pretty well, only I have to hurry before sundown. Better than the other possibility, which was for the October forecast to be influenced by Halloween.

LIBRA, SCORPIO & SAGITTARIUS—This month is all about squash for you. Squash casserole, squash soup, squash pie. Get some recipes before striking out on your own. Squash isn’t something to be taken lightly—you might think it’s just a vegetable, but if you approach it with an open mind you’ll likely see limitless possibilities. Also, I know I promised not to be influenced by Halloween, but this is important: Squash have way better faces than pumpkins.

CAPRICORN—OH MY GOSH! I said not Halloween! But I can’t ignore the similarities between Capricorn and Candy corn. Wow. I’m sorry that is your entire horoscope for October, which means you probably should seek professional help…or just hunker down—maybe in a bag or something—until November.

AQUARIUS & PISCES—Don’t hold on to things of the past that drag you down. Let them be like leaves dropping away as you look ahead to new opportunities. Rake them all up into a pile and, like, jump in them. Okay, so you’ve got dust and bugs all over you and twigs in your hair! But the thing is, you are looking forward. Be optimistic—that way you don’t care if you appear quite hideous right now.

THE BIG DIPPER—Fill your social calendar as the closest star promises fun and loads of new relationships. Communication and networking will result in huge successes for you, both socially and career-wise. Maybe even romantically. As long as you don’t drop your cellphone into the toilet. If that happens, at least you’ll understand more deeply what it means to be a big dipper.

ARIES & GEMINI—Help the poor. That’s what your sign says. So whatever you do, include helping the poor. It’s like two-fer living. If you get pizza, get a second one and give it to the poor. So you say what if I buy a car, do I have to get one for the poor, too? Look, I don’t know HOW you’re supposed to do it, I’m just telling you what the big star says. If you think it’s going to be too expensive, maybe you don’t need to be buying such an pricey car. You could always try buying a small fuel efficient car and give the poor people the clean air. Then they might be happier just to get pizza.

TAURUS & CANCER—Put your energy into trying to get smarter. Feed your brain. First ask a Libra for some squash—because they have a LOT—then do some reading or take a course. Add a word a day to your vocabulary. Start with "thaumaturgical" and go from there.

LEO (my sign)—Good luck abounds! Turn something fun into a money-making enterprise. Then it won’t be fun anymore, but who cares?—you’ll be rich! Again. Don’t waste time on your woes…but maybe spend a little helping somebody else with theirs.

VIRGO—Seek friendship in places of light and life. Whatever that means. I have a feeling that just figuring it out could be good.