Jane Ann's Astrological Forecast

Jane Ann

October 2014

LIBRA — Watch the leaves change and remember: You can, too…in fact, you probably should. Take a lesson from those leaves. What happens if they lay around too long? They get mulched. Yes, pulverized into the ground. Avoid that. Make a change and get moving.

SCORPIO, SAGITTARIUS & CAPRICORN — Everybody should know by now that anyone associated with Capricorns (including Capricorns themselves) must concentrate every October on candy corn. The stars have said as much in the past. The thing is that the whole world clamors for candy corn all month long. But come November 1, nobody gives a flying flip about it. If candy corn had feelings, it would be like the worst imaginable emotional roller coaster.

Of course, candy corn doesn’t have feelings—but it has a huge place in the economy. So please, save the world. The best way is to dress up in a candy corn suit and stand out on the curb of a busy intersection and wave at all the cars going by. Yes, it’s an incredible sacrifice of your 15 minutes of fame, but the candy corn industry is too big to fail. The entire Zodiac thanks you.

AQUARIUS — In the words of your "Age of Aquarius" song, "mystic crystal revelation." Really? I have no idea what that means! Probably, though, you’re going to need a crystal ball for it. I’d suggest checking Craigslist, but don’t go buying a crystal ball in some skeevy neighborhood. Because the one sure prediction THAT crystal ball will make is, "All your hub caps are missing."

PISCES, ARIES & TAURUS — Keep your animal instincts at bay. Use reason to make decisions and don’t invest too heavily in candy corn, no matter what your Scorpio and Sagittarius friends tell you.

GEMINI & CANCER — The stars know it’s fall, meaning squash and pumpkin time, but there are tomatoes in your future—and a LOT of them! Storage is important. Be inventive and don’t (ever) shy away from cryogenics. Onions may make you cry but tomatoes cry for cryogenics. The future portends today’s tomatoes in tomorrow’s remotest corners of the universe. Only thing is what if those remotest corners of the future are hoping for eggplant? Do what you can.

LEO (my sign) — Your life is charmed during the fall and you’re very likely to find riches under a pile of leaves! Dive in and don’t delay in retrieving your good fortune. You don’t want it to get mulched along with the slow-moving Libras of the world. Use it or lose it. Hey, maybe you could use your riches to help out somebody else for a change.

VIRGO & THE BIG DIPPER — You can dip into the leaves, too. See what happens. Take a risk but don’t let the results—good OR bad—keep you from enjoying this glorious season.