Jane Ann's Astrological Forecast

Jane Ann

September 2013

VIRGO—It’s time to move on that thing you’ve been putting off, unless it’s a vacation to Egypt. It’s a little dicey over there right now. The Sphinx can wait. You, however, mustn’t sit Sphinx-like and idle, although truth is, the Sphinx only LOOKED idle while secretly spending the last 5,014 years developing a limestone carving app. Take a lesson from the Sphinx, though, and don’t start something that will take five millennia to finish.

LIBRA & SCORPIO—Don’t be swayed by gossip and don’t spread it. The tongue can be like a knife: What it slices, dices and chops can’t be made whole again. If your tongue is like a knife you’ll need to use self-adhesive envelopes. Although licking can pose a problem, the truth must be your guide and luckily, truth doesn’t need to be licked for you to stick to it.

SAGITTARIUS & CAPRICORN—Your competitive instincts can work to your advantage. You are a winner as long as you enter the contest, be it stock market investing, the Tchaikovsky international piano competition or the 4-H cupcake bake-off. Whichever arena you choose, remember the determining factors in winning are deliberate study, unstinting practice and sprinkles.

THE BIG DIPPER—September is back-to-school month in many places, and that’s where the stars are calling those under the Big Dipper sign. Open your mind. Feed your head. Dip into chaos theory, or, if that’s too much for you just dip into chaos. It can be edifying or edible—which is what feeding your head depends on, right? Actually, I think I saw an Eating Chaos book online somewhere—wait, maybe it was Eating Disorder. Same thing.

AQUARIUS—Hey, Aquarians, your age just called and it’s still dawning. Hang in there and keep stocking your basement.

PISCES, ARIES & GEMINI—Don’t expect others to know what you are thinking—you really shouldn’t be having to ask them. Keep up with your own thoughts and share your concerns. If you don’t have any concerns at this time, omigosh get some. One place you can look for a concern is 24-hour cable news. Only thing is, once you find one you probably can’t get a new one for three days.

TAURUS—Hope you enjoyed getting to be called SILVERADO last month, but that was just a passing fancy of the stars. Now is the time to be yourself. Throw caution to the wind, live for today and leave your worries on the doorstep—where somebody else is bound to trip over them and then it will be their problem. See how this works? Another good reason for caller ID.

CANCER & LEO (my sign)—Finally, somebody on the zodiac has romance in their forecast. Your popularity soars as a long line of constant callers is in the offing. Don’t be fooled by flattery. You know you are awesomely fine.